Why It’s Time for Cannibalism

“Swedish scientist advocates eating humans to combat climate change”

Yes, that’s a real headline about a real scientist. OK, let’s not get crazy… He’s a “behavioral scientist and marketing strategist”.

People love Catastrophe Porn.

Yes, climate change is a problem. No, we won’t have to eat our dead neighbors to deal with it. No matter how awesome that sounds, freak.

Nor will we need to eat grasshoppers, drink cockroach milk, move to Mars or take many of the insane measures doomsday peddlers advocate. How do I know? Check how they live. Did they all move to higher ground? Abandon air travel? Are they all vegans? Did they stop having kids? Are they in a constant state of panic? No, they want us to be – to subsidize their agenda.

One thing experts agree on: whatever we do now likely won’t have an impact for 100 years. So this means we’d be investing in future generations…something we are AMAZING at! </sarcasm>

That’s why real change requires real global benefits TODAY. Alternatives must get way cheaper, more scaleable, and convenient. The US is only 14% of global energy use and shrinking. Bernie Sanders’ “Green New Deal” would cost the US $16 Trillion over 10 years. We take in $3.5T a year in taxes TOTAL. Don’t worry, Bernie will make up the difference with proceeds from his next book, “This Book Pays for Itself, Just Leave the Store With It”.

Without the world onboard, the US bearing all that cost, alone, amounts to a regressive tax on mostly the poor (and the 99%) with little climate impact. 

We are an adaptive species with lots of bright minds working on the problem. We’ll definitely experience some discomforts and a few serious disasters, but as we speed up carbon reduction and climate-proofing, our great-grandkids will be just fine.

Sorry if that’s less satisfying than panic, but it’s true. Enjoy life, have kids, eat some steak, and support effective environmental efforts. Just don’t be a dick about it. And for f*%k sake, stop marinating grandpa!

Epilogue: Dear Greta

Since writing this, Greta Thunberg, the 16-year old autistic Swedish climate activist had a successful global climate march. Or did she?

Watch this clip of Greta speaking at the UN:

Greta Thunberg at #UNGA: "This is all wrong. I shouldn’t be up here. I should be in school on the other side of the ocean. Yet you come to us young people for hope. How dare you. You have stolen my dreams and my childhood with your empty words."
Via ABC pic.twitter.com/NudonxKNss

— Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) September 23, 2019

After watching this, it’s hard not to see this as anything but child abuse. Activists have brainwashed this poor, well-meaning girl with visions of apocalypse. Most of which will never materialize. They’ve co-opted her into their alarmist political campaign, as an unassailable human shield. After all, what kind of monster would attack an innocent young girl?? Unfortunately, the same kind that would hide behind a young girl to push their agenda. And the same kind who attacked the Covington kids on a pernicious lie – and never apologized. The difference, of course, is Greta volunteered to be the face of a political movement and the Covington kids did not. They were dragged into it by a troll with a sinister video edit. No matter, because here we are.

As bad as I feel for this girl and the other kids being infected by this dark, abusive propaganda, it’s the adults hiding behind children who must bear every morsel of accountability for sacrificing her to political cannibals. Especially, her parents – and parents of all these kids who aren’t counterbalancing hysteria with common sense. Adults must either defeat adult opposition with better ideas or bear the ethical cost of using kids as pawns. I suspect most of these monsters have no interest in saving the planet or children. They just want to be right – and part of something that gives their empty lives meaning. Well, they are part of something and it’s child abuse. Congrats, heroes. Or should I say, cannibals. You’ve devoured your first child. Who’s next?

Here’s a video that’s not meant to disprove climate change, which is real, but to counterbalance some of the alarmism:

And of course, here’s a word from Greta’s agent, which explains A LOT:

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